Here’s the hard truth: You will make mistakes, and you will fail … but that does not mean you need to give up! Instead, borrow someone else’s ego.
I recently read that 9 out of 10 entrepreneurs give up without ever tasting success. The Bureau of Labor Statistics paints a better picture, where 1 in 5 businesses fail. Whatever the number is, the message remains the same: success requires stamina.
The truth is, the lesson applies whether the numbers are inflated or not — you have to keep showing up.
I previously discussed self-efficacy, the inner drive to push through obstacles to achieve your goals. I shared four ways to cultivate self-efficacy: push beyond your comfort zone, set goals, know your end game, and adopt a “that’s all you got?” attitude for obstacles.
But there is another secret weapon: Borrow someone else’s ego. When you can’t find the strength, the patience, or the guts to dig deep, rely on someone else’s ego — their self-efficacy.
This is a popular concept in psychology, where when someone close to us is anxious, we lend them our confidence.
The Psychology Behind “Borrowing Someone Else’s Ego”
When you’re navigating the complexities of leadership, there are moments when your self-belief wavers. That is when tapping into the confidence of others can be a powerful strategy. Leverage the psychological mechanisms that allow us to draw strength from our social connections.
Albert Bandura’s Theory of Self-Efficacy
According to Albert Bandura, self-efficacy provides the foundation for motivation, well-being, and personal accomplishment. His theory suggests that a person’s self-efficacy is developed through four primary sources: mastery experiences, vicarious experiences, social persuasion, and emotion states. Here I want to focus on vicarious experiences and how that interplays with borrowing someone else’s ego.
Vicarious experiences are how we develop self-efficacy by observing others succeed. When we see someone we relate to overcome challenges, it reinforces our own belief that we can do the same.
Social support plays a crucial role in this dynamic. Role models effectively give you a mental blueprint for completing a task—they show you how they overcame challenges and demonstrated effective strategies.
Invisible Support and Self-Efficacy
Not all support is overt. “Invisible support” is not perceived as support—it is provided without the recipient’s direct awareness. This form of support was shown to be more effective in achieving long-term goals. The study found that visible support hinged on a person’s needs, and invisible support shaped behavior. Invisible support does not undermine self-efficacy.
Invisible support takes many forms, such as listening without problem-solving, subtle encouragement, and taking care of little things. In a membership community, like InnerFifth, we offer invisible support for each other in subtle ways—encouraging and cheering the wins each of us experiences.
Introjection and Internalizing Strength
A final concept in borrowing someone else’s ego is the idea of introjection: unconsciously adopting certain aspects of someone else’s personality. I’m sure you’ve experienced this in some way. It’s similar to finding strength in numbers, where you’re stronger and more confident as a group. This can bolster our own confidence and resilience when we’re plagued with self-doubt.
This is the Secret Sauce Behind InnerFifth
Our membership is curated based not only on professional accomplishments but also on what each member can offer to the community. We are experts in our businesses, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t make some mistakes along the way — I know I did. But what I learned from those obstacles is how to navigate around them. I learned how to stay the course and not give up.
Guess what? You did, too, or you would not be here.
We lift each other up through our mistakes and failures. We’re mentors and mentees; we’re coaches to some and being coached by others. We share our egos.
