InnerFifth recently hosted Katherine Winter-Sellery, a communication guru who’s not afraid to tackle the hard conversations at work or with family. Communication builds the foundation for stronger relationships, which is the starting place for real growth personally and professionally. Communication is also one of the most sought-after soft skills, yet one of the most challenging to master. During the InnerFifth Power Hour, Kathrine showed us how to navigate communication with ease using simple and direct language.
Katherine is the founder of Conscious Parenting Revolution, a TEDx speaker, and an expert in communication and conflict resolution. She shared how to have impactful and meaningful conversations with those in our lives—whether it’s family or coworkers.
Katherine tackled one of the hardest communication issues many of us face: How do you effectively communicate with someone who doesn’t show an appetite to want to communicate with you? Here’s what she said:
When you feel like you’re not being heard or the other party is stonewalling you, it’s usually because they don’t feel heard.
Here is language we can use to open that dialogue:
I’m getting the impression that you don’t feel like I’ve really listened to you and that I’m asking you to listen to me. But I haven’t actually done you the great favor of listening to your perspective. So, I’d really appreciate the opportunity to hear what’s going on for you.
Here are just a few of her insights:
- Victim Blame Game. This is the idea that other people can make us feel, but they cannot. When we assume people can make us feel something, we’re giving them all of our power, so we can play the victim. People are catalysts, but not the cause. How you feel—or the person you’re communicating with feels — is based on how you describe your inner world and how that’s connected with the outer world. It has a lot to do with how you were raised.
- Assertive vs Aggressive Conversations. This is also the “I/You” game. When you use “you” messages rather than “I” messages, the conversation becomes defensive. But all conversations have to start by having each other feel like they’ve been heard. Use “I” statements to diffuse the conversation so healing can happen.
- Separation and Individualization. “Separation and individuation” is the cure that allows us to have our own experiences without having the other person take those on or feel like they’re the cause. The question is: Can I have my experience, you have yours, and we can have our experiences individually together?
- Talk About Problems Outside of the Problem Zone. When you’re in the problem, that is not the time to have a conversation about the problem. When people are activated, it’s not the right moment, but it gives you clues that there are some great conversations that can happen to grow.
Don’t forget to pick up your copy of Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life from Amazon. It’s a game-changer.
InnerFifth hosts monthly Power Hours, where we host industry experts to chat about what matters most in your business: real growth with ease and grace. Bookmark our Calendar of Events page and connect with us through Momentum, our weekly newsletter designed for powerhouse female entrepreneurs.
